Oh this sounds good. Like a good novel. Like a good secret. Confessions from a stranger. The weird part is, I am the stranger. Maybe I am the only one who feels like this, or maybe I am the only one who is willing to admit it, or maybe I am mentally ill and misdiagnosed. Either way, it is an interesting life as a stranger. Its the stranger within the strange woman I am.
Why does a persons mind work overtime in giving us too many thoughts. That is my mind. I even wonder why I wonder. I worry about why I am worrying. I think about how great it was when times were simpler but then quickly change my thoughts to how really complicated the simpler times must have been. I watch the television while reading a magazine and playing words with friends. I start my prayer time and quickly get off track and end up wondering if I should put bananas on my grocery list which leads to whether or not I should make banana bread which leads to the fact that if I make it I will eat to much which leads to I need to lose weight which leads to when I can fit more exercise in my day, which leads to my time scheduling and how I need to make more time for prayer...then BOOM, I am reminded that I am supposed to be praying.
When I am involved in an activity I am thinking that I probably should be doing a more productive activity. Sometimes I avoid doing something I love because I know I will feel guilty about what i really should be spending more time on. I love to decorate but think to deeply about how soon I will want to change it and how it really doesn't matter to anyone but me so why should I waste precious time doing it. I used to decorate over the top for Christmas but now think about how much time it takes and that I will have to put it all away in a month and that I should probably focus on something more important and meaningful than decorations. Am I lazy..or crazy???
This all makes me wonder (as usual) is my life too full of "things". Am I so consumed with the things that use up precious time that my mind cannot slow down enough to just be still? Do my computer, cell phone, television and ipod use up too much mental space? Is my house full of stuff clouding my judgement? Are my mental lists (and written lists) taking over my brain? I have so many things that I want to do but can't seem to fit them in.
Is it just part of the aging process? Is this what happens when we get old? We are so overwhelmed by all there is to do and all the "stuff" that we do nothing. We let our homes become something that resembles a museum. It all happens slowly and we don't notice that its happening? Oh my, now the anxiety kicks in!
This is just a brief view of my deep thoughts. There are so many more that I haven't even touched on but I think you get the idea .Have I scared you all away? Or maybe you can relate. All of this make me think I need to make a change. Maybe God is trying to speak to me but my mind is just to busy to hear. I shall worry about that now.
